The rule of thumb is: All politicians are crooks.That’s what I was inculcated with, while I was a cub reporter, by my seniors who never tired of telling a fictitious story of the summary execution of a county councilman shortly after China became a republic in 1912. Time was when a county magistrate had to serve as a court judge as well, though Western style legislative organs had sprouted out ubiquitously in localities throughout China.One day, the magistrate of a certain county happened to hear a case at his yamen, which used to be an office cum residence of every mandarin in imperial China.
One person was brought before the mandarin.The procedure of litigation required the identification of that person to be established before the trial could ever get under way.So the magistrate asked: “What’s your name?”“Your Honor, the small name of this humble person is A.B.C.,” that person answered.Next came the question of where he was born.The answer was given.Another question was asked then.
“What do you do for a living?”
“Your Honor,” Mr. A.B.C. reverently replied, “this humble person is a county councilor.”
“How long you’ve been a country councilor?”
“Your Honor, this humble person is serving a second term.”
Thereupon, the mandarin, without changing the tone of his voice, ordered: “Get this person out of here and shoot him to death.”
In those days, anybody sentenced to die faced a firing squad.So, the poor county councilman was executed right in front of the yamen so that townspeople could witness the execution, which, of course, was a newsy event.The punch line of the story was supplied by a wise guy in the yamen square.He quipped, “The county councilman wasn’t falsely accused!”In other words, it’s only proper and fitting to execute a county politician, without the judge asking if he was a plaintiff or defendant and what the crime or dispute was, because a councilor in his second term must have committed at least one crime, for which the lightest punishment was death by shooting.
This interesting story was making rounds in the press circles while the now officially condemned President Chiang Kai-shek was still very much alive and kicking.In those “bad” old days, just like during the second decade of the last century which saw China in transition to a republic, politicians – only members of the Legislative Yuan, the Control Yuan and the National Assembly in Taiwan then – were considered one of the “Three Great Pests.”Remember all of them were members for life?
The members of the press couldn’t afford to be smug, either.They were regarded as another of the Great Pests.People used to call media workers “press bugs.”Reporters were compared to lowly bugs that, when found, would cause children to utter a disgusting “eek.”
Perhaps an explanation of the Three Great Pests is in order.
During the Jin (Tsin) Dynasty (262-420 A.D.), there lived in Ixing in present-day Jiangsu a villainous and worthless rascal called Zhou Chu.He was strong and mean, bullying everybody in town.He was the terror of Ixing.People called him their Great Pest for good reason.But the people had two other Great Pests: a fierce tiger in the nearby mountain and a dragon in the river that flowed past the township.They wished to get rid of these two Great Pests first.So they appealed to Zhou Chu’s megalomaniac ego to persuade him to undertake the mission of eliminating the pair of Great Pests.Zhou Chu succeeded in slaying both of them.He became a hero.Turning a hero, he began to repent all the wrongs he had done the people of Ixing.He became a real good citizen.By killing the tiger and the dragon, Zhou Chu eliminated all three Great Pests, he himself being the third.“Zhou Chu Eliminating the Three Pests” is a story told in the popular “Novel Anecdotes” or “Shi shuo xin yu.”
The tongue is wagging in Taipei now about three Great Pests in post-Chiang Taiwan.With the National Assembly abolished and the Control Yuan ceasing to function, the nation’s highest legislative organ is believed to be the first of the Great Pests.The floor of the Legislative Yuan has been turned into an arena or a miniature Coliseum, where skirmishes among our solons are now semiweekly fare.The 2007 national budget bill, which should have been passed before the end of last year, has gotten stalled in our unicameral parliament.That should make the Guinness Book of Records.
The press remains another Great Pest.Media have become so irresponsible that many people began to miss “All Quiet on the Western Front” days when the press was under government control.With two cable TV channels airing fabricated footage, the press deserves to be regarded as a Great Pest.
So is – according to street political pundits – the administration, headed in fact by President Chen Shui-bian who constitutionally is a figurehead head of state.His wife is standing trial for corruption.She was indicted on November 3 last year for unlawfully claiming a NT$14.8 million reimbursement from a public fund under her husband’s control for the conduct of “affairs of state.”He was not indicted, for he enjoys immunity against prosecution, but was regarded as an unindicted co-defendant who will be officially charged on leaving office.His son-in-law, top aides and lieutenants have also been involved in scandal after shocking scandal.Besides, he has changed his premier six times in seven years.Such a revolving-door government cannot but be deemed still another Great Pest.
Now the question is: Can Zhou Chu’s feat be repeated in Taiwan?
I wish one of our Three Great Pests would tame the other two and eliminate itself as a third.I know it’s wishful thinking.The press that may regain its function as the fourth estate can do nothing of any real help, while good politicians are an all but fatally endangered species.Finding them, in an old Chinese simile, is like barking up a tree to catch a fish.
（本文刊載於96.05.28 China Post第4版，本文代表作者個人意見）